The Key to 25 Years of Marriage

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Celebrating 25 years together

Today my wife and I celebrate 25 years of marriage. This is a real milestone. 25 years is an insanely long time to do anything. It’s an even crazier amount of time to actually live in close contact with somebody and still get along, much less love that person.

After we reached our 15 year anniversary people started asking every year; “How do you do it.”. And honestly I think that’s a dumb question. Does anyone go into marriage not expecting to be together forever? I think Michelle and I started with the assumption that we would be together forever. Period. No exceptions. Failure is simply not an option. This was never a spoken thing, but it’s ingrained in both of us. It’s part of our core beliefs, and I think that’s one of the attractions I had to Michelle to begin with. So that’s first. Expect that you are going to grow old together, and push every other option out of your mind. You can’t just give up when it gets hard. And you can’t just have something new when you get tired of what you have. Don’t be jerks.

The next part is the part people seem to have a hard time with, but it’s so simple; Just treat each other well. I think that means different things depending on the couple. Some of the things Michelle and I have no problem with would drive other couples crazy. We give each other a lot of personal freedom and honestly we spend quite a bit of time apart with our various commitments and interests. For us that works and is necessary for us to get along and not smother each other. For others that might not work. But the key is to identify what works for both of you, and do that more! Then, Identify what causes stress and don’t do that at all! It’s really not that complex. Don’t be jerks.

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At the alter in 1988

Lastly, extend some grace to each other. So many couples spend so much time trying to “fix” each other. Forget it! Know that your partner is going to be screwed up in some ways. And realize that you are screwed up too. Together you’re a screwy pair, and that’s what makes your relationship unique.  Respect each others wishes. Sacrifice for each other. Don’t be jerks.

So I could go on and on about marriage, but I think you can see I prefer the simple approach. Don’t be jerks!

So here’s wishing a Happy 25th Anniversary to my wife, Michelle! Thanks for hanging in there! I love you!