Bicycling: The Next Adventure

I really don’t need another hobby. Between drums, computers, guitar and motorcycling there’s really no time to take up anything else, but here’s the deal; I’m getting old and I need more exercise. Now I know you’re sitting there saying “Dana, you handsome stud of a rocker you! You’re not getting old!”. But believe me, I am.

It seems like when you hit 40, things just start to fall apart. I’m not joking, I honestly think there’s a genetic time bomb that goes off when you leave your thirties. In the last two years, I’ve had to start wearing reading glasses (on top of my contacts), I swear my hairline is receding, and it’s nearly impossible to burn off weight. Just five years ago I could switch to salads for 3 days and lose ten pounds. These days I have to consume nothing but water and sprouts and workout 5 days a week just to break even.

Alright, that’s an exaggeration, but it’s a fact that the body just does not burn calories the way it did 5 or 10 years ago, and I think what’s compounding the problem is that the exercise I get, while its more than most people get, is just not enough to keep up with my slowing metabolism. So what am I to do to remain the molten hot hunk of burning rock and roll that I am? Liposuction? Tummy tuck? Butt lift? Corvette?

I decided to buy a bike. Here’s the deal; I like the gym, but I only like lifting weights at the gym. Treadmills suck (and my knees suck more), and ellipticals and stationary bikes are WAY too boring. Sitting there in one position for an hour watching Oprah is just torture. I need to be out and about. I need a reason to get out of the house, so I’m taking up bicycling, and it’s going to be rad.

I haven’t decided what kind of bike I want yet. But I want something fast. And it’s gotta have speeds. Yeah speeds. A lot of them. It’s amazing how many bike styles are out there now. You can’t  just go buy a Schwinn Stingray with a cool sissy bar and tassles on the grips and be done with it any more. They have all kinds of crazy stuff out there now and it’s mondo expensive! I mean, these bikes go for thousands of dollars! THOUSANDS of dollars for bent metal. It’s amazing. Somebody is making some serious money in the bike industry. So I have some research to do but right now I’m leaning toward a traditional road bike (us old codgers used to call them “ten speeds” back in the 70’s) and I’ll probably spend more along the lines of $400 or so. I’m not Lance Armstrong after all.

So watch out for me out on the road, wearing spandex, a goofy helmet with a rear-view mirror on it, and a jersey with all kinds of sponsors on it who obviously are not sponsoring me. Please don’t run me over, and I’d appreciate it if you don’t laugh and/or throw stuff at me as you drive by either.