Winter sucks. The winter is always hard on me. The lack of direct sunlight makes me lazy and depressed. I seriously think I have “Seasonal Affective Disorder” and though it has the most cheesy acronym in the world (S.A.D… who comes up with this crap?), I think it’s the real deal. Well, “real” in that it explains a phenomenon that most people experience at some point. At any rate, winter sucks.
So on top of that, I’m here in my cube working on uninteresting, uninspiring projects today and trying like mad to keep from watching the clock. As usual I have had my 6 or 10 cups of coffee this morning and as a result my bladder is one sip away from total eruption. So I quickly head to the “facilities” to do what people do. Now normally you women would probably think that it’s so cool standing up to use the restroom, quick and convenient. I know you are envious. But every gift has it’s drawback, as we’ll soon see.
Now at my job we are required to wear security badges. You can’t go anywhere without it. In fact, you can’t open most of the doors here without it. It needs to be visible and worn above your waist. So, the good corporate citizen I am, I clip it dead center on the chest of my shirt. Directly above the second-to-top button.
So I finish by biz, and go to adjust my shirt, and suddenly my little security badge decides it wants in on some of the fun and leaps off my shirt. The sucker does a full-gainer with a triple twist, and completes a perfect entry, a solid 9.5 if you ask me, into the bowl below. Yes, I said bowl. Just my luck on this fine day that the only open receptacles were the stalls. What’s worse? I hadn’t flushed yet.
So this is bad. Real bad. And now I’m faced with a decision. My first option; I could flush the sucker down and then go to HR, lie and tell them I was mugged in the alley, and beg for a replacement. This didn’t sound too bad, except for the simple fact that when we first moved into this building, we had a mysterious string of cloggings that lead to an official corporate communication going out, warning employees to remove their security badges before entering the loo. If my deceit was somehow uncloaked, the embarrassment would be unbearable. So my second choice; reach in and grab the sucker.
Now when you’re faced with a choice like this, it’s best not to think about it for too long. Because with every second you spend contemplating it, the task just seems that much more disgusting. But you can’t help thinking about the best approach. How do I minimize exposure? Should I use my right hand, or left? If I use my right hand, that’s the hand I use for everything else. ICK! But if I use my left, it’s less coordinated and I could fumble and have to go back in! ICK!!!!
So I just held my breath and did what I had to do; After which I immediately trashed the shirt-clip, and spent the next 10 minutes scrubbing the thing with soap and hot water. I’m pretty sure the computer chip in it is waterproof. At least I hope it is or all this misery was for not.
At any rate, this is how my day has gone. And I’m hoping that’s as bad as it gets, because I can’t imagine much worse things that can happen at work.