Some Things Change, Some Things Don’t

Some things change.

We have a new President. And for the first time in our country’s short history, he’s not an old white guy. And that’s significant, let’s not play that down. 150 years ago, black people were bought and sold like cattle in this country. Now we have a black president. I think that says something about this country. Despite our problems, we’ve grown up quite a bit in some ways. So congratulations Mr. Obama.

Now that the election is decided, let’s move on. To those who are moving to Canada now that a Democrat is in the White House, go! I don’t want to hear your belly aching. And to those who think that all of your problems will suddenly vanish now that Obama is in office, don’t get discouraged when life doesn’t change all that much for you. And that’s all I’m going to say about this election.

Some things don’t.

So switching gears here, I just wanted to announce that my lovely wife Michelle and I have now been married for 20 years. Pretty amazing these days, and especially given the way we met.

Michelle and I didn’t even like each other when we first met. I knocked on her door one day looking for her brother who was a guitarist I was jamming with. I had my drums in the back of the truck and it was starting to rain. She didn’t even answer the door, she just yelled through it to go away. I told her that a few grand worth of drums were going to be ruined if she didn’t open the door and let me wait for her brother to come home. She basically said “so what”. Luckily her brother walked up right then. I had already decided that his sister was a bi@*#.

But over the next year or so we got to know each other as friends. I kept my distance since I had a rule of not getting involved with my buddies sisters, and this worked to our advantage because it allowed us to get to know each other, which I had generally not done with girls I dated. I was a long haired, rock & roller, and my life at that time was all about the party. And party we did. Thinking back to those days, I’m honestly surprised I’m here to write this.

It’s amazing how God can work though, even when we are actively avoiding Him. He brought the right person into my life at just the right time. Like I said, I was partying like crazy and lost my job right before we got married. Our only option was to move away and start over. My parents offered us a spare bedroom until we got back on our feet.

I’m still blown away that Michelle stuck around. I mean she marries this crazy guy with no job who then tells her she has to move out of town to live with his parents because he can’t support her. She must have been out of her freaking mind! But as I think back, it was a precise set of circumstances, that I believe God setup for us, that changed our lives forever. Within a few months time we were both substance free, working new jobs, with our own place. A completely fresh start in life, together.

And of course it hasn’t all been peachy since then, we’ve had our hard times. Marriage has it’s seasons and there’s challenges that come with every season. So there’s no great secret or custom set of rules to follow for a long marriage. What I will say though is that the times that were roughest, were solved by moving myself back toward Christ and not trying to “fix” Michelle. I think that’s the biggest mistake I see people make is trying to manipulate their partner to match themselves. The problem with that approach is first, it’s impossible, and second, your perceived “needs” evolve over time. You’d need Gumby as your mate to make that work!

But the purpose of marriage and the value of relationships never changes. These things were created by God and so they don’t change with the times. So by focusing on moving ourselves to be more like Christ, I think we’ve found that we can better meet each others real needs.

So anyway, I just want to say to my wife of 20 years,  I love you babe. 😉