I was originally going to write a blog about what I love and hate about the holiday season, but let’s face it, it’s far more entertaining to talk about the annoyances of life that we all share, and I’m not in a mushy mood right now. So without further ado, here is my list of things I hate about the holiday season, in no particular order.
Shoppers; i.e. other people who shop. There’s honestly nothing worse that going to a mall, crowded with people who have absolutely no regard for the order of society. Of particular irritant to me are the people who shop at Wal-Mart, who insist on picking up every product in the store, and then dropping it on the ground when they are done with it. The other group of highly annoying people are the “Black Friday” shoppers. These are the ones that get up at o’dark thirty to stand in line at Target and then push old ladies to the floor so they can get that “special deal” on velour sweatpants.
Candy Canes. Yeah, yeah, “Blasphemy” you shout! Well, I hate ’em and I’m not afraid to admit it. Sucking on oddly shaped, unnecessarily sticky, hardened toothpaste is not my idea of gourmet confectionery. We already have mints that are actually tasty, and manageable. They are called Certs.
Tree disposal. Yes, I am yard work hater, yo! And disposing of a 7ft, dried up, pine scented fire hazard counts as yard work in my book. The real problem is that you can’t just chuck the tree out in the street, you have to cut it up into 4 foot pieces so the city will take it. And well, that means work! I once had a Christmas tree sit in my back yard until June of the following year. No lie. I just kept telling Michelle I was keeping it to remember the best Christmas ever!
Mannheim Steamroller. Who are these guys and why have they chosen to ruin perfectly good holiday compositions by performing them on cheap synthesizers? Are these the guys who did that incredibly annoying “popcorn” song and the disco version of the Star Wars theme back in the 70’s? Come on man, if I wanted a techno Christmas, I’d break out my old Devo records. What’s worse is the people who buy Mannheim Steamroller music. These are usually the people who’s CD collection only consists of trendy, show your friends you’re hip and cultured, music; Yanni, John Tesh, anything that’s sold at Starbucks. You get the picture.
So that’s my short list. I’ll cover the things I love about the holidays some time in the future when I’m feeling more mellow.